She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
