So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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