Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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