is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize