i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize