Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
