Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
