Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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