i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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