We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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