it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
