Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So much rum. So many feels.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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