last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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