I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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