OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
