Having a random hookup so left but love u
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I fill condoms, not promises.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
