We're facebook friends in real life
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
