Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
