thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
