remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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