haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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