im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
