i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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