i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
