Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize