i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
