in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize