Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
