I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
