Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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