We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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