Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
