wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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