i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
