there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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