Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
