Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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