the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
