Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
