You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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