I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
