I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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