we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
