Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
