did you get engaged???
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
