i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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