Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
