quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
