I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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