Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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