i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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