He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
