Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize