Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
