you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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