Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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