Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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