if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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