Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
no more duck duck goose at the bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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