uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
