If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
