you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The power of my boobs compel you
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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