next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize