Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
